My Ingredients for a Peachy Telenovela

Oh So “Addams Family on vacation” of us

I think we look just like the hodgepodge-of-every-decade family from “Dark Shadows”. I had such tremendous fun with Claude, Costri, Tudy and Co. In an all inclusive resort, obvy – which you know is LIFE to me when I am near to rigor mortis.

If I had to sketch a script for a juice telenovela, my ingredients would be:

1. A hefty dose of crazy bitch (that’s me, a total success)
2. A pinch of playboy (Tudy/Claude/Victor?)
3. A crushed Xanax in a gin&tonic
4. A few doses of red lipstick, glamorous settings (add according to taste)
5. 300mL of poison (choose something easily detectable in blood samples – arsenic or cyanide, I prefer cyanide for it’s lovely almond scent)
6. 9 red nails (I’m always missing one because I somehow manage to fuck it up only hours after application. It’s also relatable to the audience)
7. 5 long sequin dresses
8. 1 drop-dead-gorgeous-oh-my-god-how-do-you-look-photoshopped-in-real-life blonde
9. 1 intricate murder plot (everybody must know that I have poison yet I am not the killer, I swear)
10. Hercule Poirot (Costri will do as well, he’s also very deductive deliciously plump.
11. A dash of lost inheritance
12. A few cloves of supernatural powers and entities, especially witch-centered
13. 320 black cats (this is a Melania Lupu reference. LOOK IT UP!)

Morodan Shop dress – available in our showroom 

Put the ingredients in a copper cauldron and let it simmer on low heat on the night of a full moon from 1AM to 4 AM. Be sure the cameras are rolling in the meantime.